its not that i wouldn't pick you, if it were just up to people you know, if you could just pick a person, i would always pick you. but you have to pick people and situations and timing and behaviors all at once and i can't pick those things can't control those things

i feel honestly like my body is refusing the past few weeks, like i've been consuming and consuming and not thinking and pushing and clawing and its ridiculous and finally my body had to refuse it, had to reject it and render me delirious and tearful. and it strangely felt like that's how it was supposed to be.